newly married couple smile at each other when walking down the aisle during woodland vermont wedding

We’re kicking off my first post of 2023 with a bang! As a wedding photographer, there are so many moments I’m in charge of documenting that are insanely meaningful and happen so quickly on a wedding day, with none of the flexibility to do over. Can you imagine your wedding photographer coming up to you after you’ve walked down the aisle and saying “that was great, let’s do it again but different this time”?!

While I’m all about capturing those candid wedding moments as they unfold, there are just some things that if I could tweak jussst a little bit, not only would the images be that much more powerful to look back on, but they would foster your connection to each other and your ability to be present that much more meaningful.

Quick note about my thoughts

As one of my couples mentioned during their wedding. “It’s like my ability to think in the moment has totally disappeared!” The point of this post is not to shame you into thinking that you have to do any of these things, but rather use it as a way to be intentional about your day. You can read through this list and decide none of these things are right for you, and that’s totally ok! What’s important is that you’ve thought about these topics and made a choice that’s right for you, versus looking back and wishing you had known your options before your wedding day.

So that being said, let’s get to the good stuff!

The Do’s and Don’ts for Couples Getting Married

Do: Hold Hands during your ceremony

Anytime I’m going through images picking my favorites to edit and deliver, I always react strongest to images where people are connecting. One of the best ways I see connection happening is through physical touch, so images where you’re holding hands will always be your best images. My biggest suggestion is as soon as your ceremony begins or as you get to the altar, hold your partner’s hands. You can see the difference even in the images above with how connected and natural the couple feels.

wedding guests take photo of the couple during vermont wedding ceremony

Don’t: Allow cellphones during the ceremony

This probably IS my most controversial opinion, but I stand by it. Studies have shown that when people are recording on their phones, they retain memories much worse. So while as a photographer knowing that I don’t have to dodge cellphones getting in the way of my shot makes my job that much easier, you’re also doing your guests a favor by having them put away their cellphones. Their ability to be really present will be that much more meaningful, plus you get the opportunity to have shots of them taking it all in as well.

On the other hand, I recent trend I’ve seen and absolutely love is giving guests a moment to take photos of their own. You can do this by having your officiant give your guests 15-30 seconds to get up and get the shot they like right as your ceremony begins. By doing this intentionally, not only are you giving guests their moment to grab their own shots, you’re making a pretty memorable moment out of it. It’s a win-win situation!

mother watches with hands clasped during vermont wedding ceremony

Do: Have The Officiant step away for your first kiss

This small effort by your officiant makes a world of difference. Nothing makes a first kiss more weird than having someone intently staring directly behind your two heads. Another option I’ve seen is having your officiant stand in front of your guests. That way when you’re looking at your officiant, you can also see your guests, and gives me your photographer a more interesting angle for documenting the two of you as well as your guests.

Don’t: Forget the bouquet

I can’t count the number of times that folks carrying a bouquet get swept up in the excitement of being newly married and start marching down the aisle without their blooms. While the images will look perfectly lovely either way, you’ve put some serious effort and time into picking those flowers, so give them their moment! Having the person holding your flowers for you know to force them right back into your hands the moment you turn to walk up the aisle, you’ll thank them for it later.

couples kisses down the aisle as guests look on during vermont summer wedding

Do: Take a Pause walking down the aisle

This one is purely preference, but I love the unique perspective you get of you and your guests when you take a pause halfway down the aisle. You can do anything here from exchanging another smooch, celebrate with your guests, or do a little dance! Whatever you choose, take your time coming up the aisle and take it all in, you’ll be glad you did.

couples laughs during speeches at their vermont summer wedding

Don’t: eat through entire speeches

True, toasts and speeches normally happen during your first course, but I think folks forget that just because the focus isn’t on you, that doesn’t mean your photographer isn’t gonna take photos of you. And nobody wants photos of them eating, it’s just fact. Speeches are chalk full of natural reactions as you take in the thoughtful things your friends and family are saying about the two of you. Taking a bite of food here and there is completely fine (and encouraged! please don’t forget to eat! that should be #8), but making the priority to really listen and take in those toasts will help the toast-giver feel confident too.

couples first dance at barn reception at their vermont wedding

Do: Have fun during the reception

With how fast your day goes by, it can be very tempting to jam pack your day with as many things as possible. My recommendation is to really focus on the things that matter to you both as a couple, and leave plenty of room to be present with your friends and family as the events wind down. Trust that your photographer will grab you if there’s a cool photo opt moment, but otherwise make time to celebrate!